Attitude

This morning during Abusive Spin Class (yes, it was still raining this morning) I was thinking about this upcoming cycling season and realized that while I'm making progress physically, my head is SO not in the game. An email circulating among my teammates kicked it off two days ago, "Who's racing Turtle Pond this weekend?!?!?" they asked. Ooooh...heart rate starts to pick up, breathing gets shallow, and the following dialog goes on in my head:

"Oh, geeze, I'm so not ready to race.
But I could do it as good training ride.
Yeah, but then I'll get spit out the back and ride 35 miles solo. Ick.
But there are masters points up for grabs! How many 45 year olds will be out there?
Just do it.
Wah!"

Another example: S was racing the state road racing championship years ago. Before the start of the race, Pro-Joe-Rider-Girl rolls up along side her at the start and says, You're going to lose! You didn't do the White Mountain Series.

S stared her down, didn't say anything but thought, "I will DIE before I let you cross the finish before me."

And sure enough, she took first place about a quarter of wheel ahead of Pro-Joe-Rider-Girl.

Now, putting myself in that scenario, had someone said that to me at the start, I would have been thinking:

"What's the White Mountain Series?
Is it tougher than the hills I've been riding in NH?
VT is prettier - I should have raced there instead of NH.
Damn! I should have done the NH series AND the White Mountain Series!
Wait! The White Mountains are in NH! Did she mean the Green Mountains!
I'm so confused...."

And while all the conversation is going on in my head, the starter's gun would have gone off and I'd be left at the start still trying to clip in while the pack is finishing the first turn.

Now, the inexplicable part is that I'm not like that in any other sport. Moments before a running race, I think, "I will pound you into the ground! You will be toast if you try to keep pace with me! I WANT that damn prize (pair of random running socks) for a top three finish." When I played basketball, despite being the shortest out there, I'd look at the 6 foot center and think, "I will juke you out of those ugly ass size 13 shoes and have a clear drive to the hoop!" More times than not, I did. And sure, sometimes the ball got REJECTED back into my face but I'd keep coming at them. As a catcher on the diamond, I'd glower at any base runner and send mental vibes saying, "You steal on me, you will die on the base path! Make my day! Go!"

I need cycling swagger. I need attitude. I need to believe. So I've been working on a short, focused line I can keep rolling around in my head that will keep all that stupid, random, distracting chatter out . I've settled on,

"I will RIP your legs off!"

I'll let you know if it works at Turtle Pond.